Hungarian culture and mentality

Eye contact and personal space

If you go into a pub or the club don’t be suprised if people will stare and take a good look at you. Győr is not a big town, this is just how it is in all small towns. It is not a major offense to study someone on the Metro. Apparently some western cultures often mention that Hungarian "staring" makes them uncomfortable.

I remember when I sat on the tube in London, I kind of felt transparent. Once a guy came in flip flops, sleeveless shirt and one single short (could see the bottom of his butt) jeans in the middle of winter (!). My jaw dropped and was gasping. "OMG! Look at that idiot" - I thought. Then looked around, searching for the eye contact of other passengers and saw that NO ONE, not even one person has shown any signs of excitement or even had a move of a face muscle except of me! I felt really awkward to say the least. Since then I have learned that this is not just a western thing but also sort of a"big city" effect. 

The Hungarian personal space bubble is somewhat smaller than the American one, and a lot smaller, than that of the Germans. How do people stand when they talk to one another? Interpersonal distance is roughly about 15 to 25 inches.

Emotions 

While in the western cultures aggression and emotions should not be shown (especially not in business environment) Hungarians might ventilate aggression and emotions at certain places and at certain times.

Emotional behavior is not always viewed negative in Hungary, while in western countries this can mean unprofessionalism or makes people feel awkward.

Hungarians see it as honest devotion, passion, sensitivity, or being "real". 

When I was working for an international education company in London, once I have made a mistake (which was actually beyond my control) and wasted 100 quids from our team's budget! While this I was still under probation so I thought "that’s it girl, they’re gonna get rid of you now". I got nervous as hell. I was thinking very hard how to explain this, so I thought naturally I will make them deduct the amount from my salary, if they just "forgive me".

Later on that day I approached my line manager. I looked and talked to her as if someone had died. Of course everyone else in the office noticed too that there is something dramatic going on. I told her the story. And....nothing! No signs of worry or anger, not at all. Only smiling wisely. Then as far as I can remember, in a nutshell all she said was, „things like these happen and all we can do now is to see if we can still make something positive out of this little bump. No need to feel bad about it. Though I would like to ask you one thing. If something like this happens again, please, just don't run around in the office as if some catastrophe had happened! Everybody could see it and we don't want to give a bad or false impression on our co-workers and other team members."  Yep, and I sat there and felt confused but relieved and surprised. My reaction was based on previous experiences working for a Hungarian company. Of course, not all Hungarian bosses are bad, not at all, but I personally haven't met a "wise" manager before, up until this point. 

The smiling factor  :-)

While in most of the western countries the "keep smiling" factor is a fundamental element of social behaviour, in Hungary, people who keep smiling without any specific reason are viewed rather with suspicion. As one would may think: "why you keep smiling at me? Do you want something? " (No offence on anyone!) 

Just a bit later after I have arrived in the UK I got my first job interview and guess what? I was strolling along the corridor of a strange company surrounded by strange people when a woman who was coming across looked at me and put a big smile on her face. It rather made me feel uncomfortable then putting me to ease. First I thought maybe there is something funny about me (make up melted, stain on my dress or hair stands funny etc.) and then I thought she might wants something which I obviously don’t, lol.  

Of course when men smiled at me I naturally thought  „oh, he likes me"!:-) Stupid silly me! With time I understood and got used to it. Though it took me at least a year or so to put that smile on my own face too. 

Friendship and relationships

In the eyes of most Hungarians, people are not exchangeable. One person can not fill the place of another one. If you move from being just an acquaintance, co-worker or jogging partner to being a friend, you will be loved for who you are and not for the role you play or for the good things you add to the persons life.

In my opinion people in western countries tend to have a low wall on the outside, and a higher one on the inside. 

Most of us, Hungarians have a higher wall on the outside and the process of befriending might be slower, but once you are in, you are in.

Attitude to positiveness and praises

Most Hungarians are shy and reserved in expressing positive feelings in relationships. 

Hungarians are hardly ever able to utter the words “I love you”, and very rarely praise you face to face ("in the eye"). 

You have to learn reading between the lines and pick up the signs that you are loved, if you don’t want to suffer from love-deficiency! :-)

With special regards to the business environment - based on my own personal experience; so other people might have different opinions -  Hungarian managers do not tend to give you praises in general. This comes from the simple fact that you have been contracted to do a good job, thus not messing up things is evident. While if you did mess it up, you will need to be told off. 

I personally have never got told off in England. It was more sort of "these are the areas in which you still will need to develop" or "you could have done a better job if you had followed this or that method" - getting constructive criticism is not negative but rather motivating. 

During my probation I knew exactly where I could have done a better job, so every time prior to a one to one meeting I was nervous, because I thought my line manager will definitely come up with a failure of mine  - otherwise why would we need to meet so often??  Of course there was no talk about failures, only reviewing the past and the upcoming week. 

I think in the past few years a lot of Hungarian companies have started to take over this pattern too - especially at big multinational companies this should be the norm. 
I wish I had had known all this before, if so, I wouldn't have needed to worry 6 months long about one to one meetings and listening to the praises of my line manager with great suspicion! Oh dear!

Pessimism and complaining

Hungarians just love to complain: about spouses, kids, their lives in general but most of all about their job and their boss.
Unfortunately one can't blame them. Hungary has lost two World Wars, had to bear the Turkish, the Habsburgs and then the Russian occupation. Communism has not just not brought prosperity but capitalism has brought on even more misery. 
Most of the Hungarians are still not over the loss of the Trianon treaty (1920), where we have lost about 71% of the country's territory.  Though in the meantime we could have tried and make the best of what has been left;  I believe we might would have done so, if we hadn't had slipped from one war to another and from one occupation to one more, but this we will never know...

• According to Hungarians, an optimist is a person who is poorly informed. Hungarians think that if a news is bad, it must be true!   *shaking head*

• In opposition to good old American movies and fairy tales which say in the end "they lived happily ever after" Hungarian  folk tales end in "they lived happily until they died". 

• “Those who were thinking logically in Hungary always despaired.”

This old joke is a favorite of mine that perfectly reflects the sad past the nation had to endure and demonstrates the pessimism that comes through it:


A Hungarian person walks into a New Yorker hat shop. He would like to buy a hat but he doesn’t have enough American dollars on him,  so he asks if he could pay in Hungarian Forints.

-          I have never seen Hungarian Forints before  - said the shop owner -  Show them to me! – and the Hungarian digged out a 10 Forint note.

-          Who is this man?  - asked the shop owner.

-          Sándor Petőfi, the greatest Hungarian poet of all times. He was one of the members of the radical Marcher Youth group who started the struggle for freedom in 1848-49. He died in the battlefield of Segesvár, when the Austrians and the Russians struck down the revolt.

-          OMG! What a tragedy! – and who is this man on the 20 Forint note?

-          That’s George Dózsa, who led the famous peasant riot in the 16th century. The riot has been struck down and Dózsa was killed by making him sit on a glowing iron throne.

-          Oh dear! Well, so and who is this on the 50 Forint note?

-          Ferenc Rákóczi, the leader of another unsuccessful struggle for freedom. He had to spend the rest of his life in an exile in Turkey.

-          Hmm, I could have guessed that...and what about the 100 Forint note?

-          He is Lajos Kossuth, leading freedom fighter in 1848-49. After the fight was struck down he had to flee out of the country.

-          That’s fair enough my friend...the shop owner interrupted – I’ll give you the hat for free, just take it!

And a few more...

• Hungarians are people-oriented, yet free-spirited, stubborn individuals.

• Hungarians have a significantly stronger tendency to avoid life’s uncertainties. This means that new situations, unknown people or circumstances cause greater stress to the them, and is usually looked at as a potential problem or danger, rather than a challenge.  Although when considering all the hardness's the country and its people had to face  (on political and economical levels too) we also have to admit that Hungarians always found a way to get by. 

• Traditionally conservative morality: keeping one’s given word. 

• Respect for women, elders and ancestors. 

• Weary hearts (suicide, divorce, depression; feeling of hopelessness and loneliness).

• Appreciation of humor, talent, sensitivity and knowledge.

• Bright minds: Artistic talent – music, poetry; Intellectual interests, such as literature, art, music, chess, mathematics, science and discussion; Inventors, Nobel-prize winners (16).

Did you know...


that the inventors and developers of 

the rubik's cube,

the ballpoint pen,

the helicopter,

the Zeppelin,

the developers of the atomic bomb and nuclear engineering;

the holograph;

the moon and mars rovers; 

the Model T Ford; 

Microsoft Office; 

the fathers of the seat belt, passivesafety and Volkswagen; 

binary code, BASIC and computerprogramming; 

supersonic flight and the U.S. aerospaceindustry;  

matches; 

the dynamo electric motor and soda-water,

color television and automatic pilotless aircraft,

full-length motion pictures and sound movies; 

Vitamin-C

and 

the founder of Intel Corporation  are all Hungarians and Hungarian-
Americans? 

And what about Joseph Pulitzer, of "Pulitzer Prize" fame?

And can you believe there was a Hungarian Emperor of Madagascar?


And the list goes one and on. If you are interested to find out more then follow this link:
http://www.famoushungarians.com/